Reason #4: The Church Hates Gay People

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DAVE’S OPENING
Good morning, Chapel family. We are looking at six of the big reasons that more and more Americans are deciding they are done with church. And we have so much to cover today, so we’re just going to get right to it. Today we come to the fourth reason that many people are done with church, and it’s this: the belief that the church hates gay people.

Why is this so important? Well, it’s important to the 4½% of the population that identifies as gay, many of whom feel personally mistreated and unwelcomed by the church. But it’s much bigger than that. It’s also important to everyone who knows and loves and cares about someone who’s gay—which is probably almost all of us, right? And especially in younger generations, most of them want nothing to do with a church that they feel discriminates unfairly against gay people. So this is a massive issue, because it’s more than an issue. It’s about people, and people are precious to God. So that’s why we’re talking about it.

I am so thankful today that I’m not talking about this alone. In a few minutes I’m going to invite my friend, Art Pereira to join me. In many ways, Art is more qualified to speak to this issue than I am, so I’ve asked him to give the majority of this sermon. But first, let’s look at today’s Scripture reading. It’s in Luke chapter 15, verses one and two. I invite you to hear the Word of God…

1 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. 2 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” This is the Word of the Lord.

There was something about Jesus that drew people. They felt safe around him. Even people who felt very unwelcome around organized religion—people like tax collectors and other people regarded as “sinners”—felt welcomed by Jesus. They knew that he didn’t necessarily approve of everything in their lives, but there was no question in their minds that he loved them. He treated them with honor and dignity and affection. So they continued gathering around him.

While that was happening, the Pharisees and teachers of the law—the elite religious leaders of the day—were watching. And they muttered. Isn’t that a great word? They were muttering: this man welcomes sinners, and he even eats with them! That was a big deal back then! Because when you shared a meal with someone, that meant you were accepting them. You wanted to be close to them, and be associated with them. And the religious leaders just could not believe that a man who claimed to represent God would want to be associated with people like that. So they muttered.

I encourage you to read the rest of Luke 15—It’s one of the most powerful chapters of the Bible. But for today, I just want us to consider a simple question: when it comes to our LGBT friends and neighbors, are we more like Jesus, or are we more like the Pharisees? As a church and as individual people, are we more welcoming, more muttering? Remember, being “welcoming” doesn’t mean we compromise truth—Jesus never did—but he lived his life in a way that drew people, rather than repelling them. So are we more like Jesus, or more like the Pharisees? That question haunts me.

I love that verse in John 1 that describes the entry of Jesus into the world: The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who

came from the Father, full of grace and truth. In his life and teaching, Jesus was the perfect balance of grace and truth. And that balance is exactly what we need.

So let’s start with truth. What does it mean to respond with truth? Well, it means that as followers of Christ, there’s an objective standard that guides us, and it’s the Bible. Because culture changes, and human opinion changes, but Scripture is timeless.

So obviously we don’t have time to talk about everything the Bible says about this subject, so let me summarize it like this: from two passages in Genesis—Genesis 1:27, and Genesis 2:18-24, we know two things: first, God intentionally designed maleness and femaleness, and second, God ordained marriage to be between a man and a woman. That’s really clear. Now, we need to be careful about stereotyping what men should be like and what women should be like—because so much of that is cultural. But let’s not let go of this God-given distinction between maleness and femaleness, and the defining of marriage as male and female. So that’s kind of the foundational truth.

Then, there are five different passages in the Bible that speak specifically to same-sex relationships. And here they are—I’m just going to list the references: Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9, and 1 Timothy 1:10. To unpack each of those would be a whole sermon in itself, but here’s what we can say: in each of those passages, same-sex sexual relationships are presented as outside of God’s will. It’s not how God designed humans to flourish and thrive. There are some who’ve tried to interpret those passages differently—and in a moment, Art is going to talk about a time in his life when he wanted to believe they meant something different. But when you’re really honest with the Scriptures, it’s tough to come to any other conclusion. So according to the Bible, that’s the truth. And Jesus came from the Father, full of truth.

And he was also full of grace. In fact, the grace part is mentioned first, and I don’t think that’s by accident. So what does it mean to respond to people with grace? Well, first of all, it means that I actually believe the gospel that I claim to follow. And here’s what the gospel says: the reason things are okay between me and God has nothing to do with my own goodness or righteousness; it’s all about the undeserved grace that God showed me at the cross. The more I get that, the more I will show grace toward others. I will be compassionate and loving, just as God is toward me. And here’s another part of showing grace: when I’ve hurt someone, I’ll ask for their forgiveness.

When I look at the history of the church and the history of my life, I believe there are some ways we have caused harm to LGBT people, and we need to ask forgiveness. I need to ask forgiveness. Let me be specific. I apologize for our inconsistency. Because the Bible talks about a lot of things that are outside of God’s will. Things like pride. And materialism. And anger. And so many times, the church has excused those things, while clearly calling out sexual issues. That’s done a lot of harm, and I’m really sorry I’ve been part of that.

I apologize for our hypocrisy. I’ve told LGBT people that following Jesus will involve big sacrifice. Which is true—Jesus said, “If you want to be my disciple, deny yourself and take up your cross.” But if I’m asking you to deny yourself in this very difficult way, I better be calling heterosexual people to deny themselves other difficult ways, and I better be denying myself in equally difficult ways. Because if not, I’m a hypocrite. And I’m so sorry for doing that.

And I apologize for our ignorance. And I’ll make this very personal: there were times that I communicated an unrealistic hope that God would change someone’s sexual orientation. I do believe that happens, but it’s extremely rare. And at times I’ve led people to believe that that’s the goal, and for the vast majority of people whose orientation hasn’t changed, I’m sure that’s contributed to shame and a sense of being rejected by the church. And I am so sorry.

And I would ask that you would pray for me—as a spiritual leader and just as a man—that the gospel would so shape my heart that I would exude grace toward people—no matter who they are. And this is a call to all of us: let’s examine our hearts, and ask God to show us where we haven’t shown grace, and let’s repent of those things. Let’s hold on to truth, but lead with grace.

About a year ago, Pastor Ted and I realized that we could so much better in this area. So we set up a two-day seminar for our entire staff. The name of the seminar was “Posture Shift,” and the idea is that we don’t need to change our theology, but we need to change our posture toward the LGBT community, to be more like Jesus. It was extremely valuable. And through that seminar, I met Art Pereira. I’m going to let Art tell his story, but I’ll just say this: I have a tremendous amount of respect for Art, and I consider myself privileged to serve alongside someone who’s living out his faith in Christ in such a radically sacrificial way. Art is a graduate of Nyack College, and he serves on the staff of Hope Church in Randolph, New Jersey. He’s going to speak for about 25 minutes, and then I’ll come back and wrap up.

So…would you give a warm Chapel welcome to Pastor Art Pereira!

ART’S PART

Good morning! Thanks, Dave, for the introduction and the invitation to share with you. We’re going to hop right into things, as we don’t have too much time, but let me just say I know this is a lot to take in. You may not have a whole lot of context for a gay or same-sex-attracted man speaking in a church… and frankly, neither do I. My family decided to start going to church when I was 11, which coincidentally was around the same time I was realizing was gay. So I had these two major life shifting experiences…

First, I was coming to grips with my sexuality – understanding that I was attracted to my same gender – And second, I was experiencing a hunger and a desire to know the God my church talked about. One of the things I believed at the time was that gay people did not get a seat at God’s table. I don’t know if that was ever explicitly said to me, but I PROMISE you, it was modeled in the way christians talked. In the jokes and derogatory comments they made. Every manner of person, every manner of sin and struggle seemed welcome in the church… but not gay folks.

So over the years, a bitterness and anger built up in me. Because I wanted this faith, I wanted this life with God my friends seemed to have access to, but it, apparently, wasn’t an option for me. Until I came to know Jesus personally at 15. I’ll have to skip over details, but let me be clear- The Lord was, and is, intimately aware of every desire, attraction, and experience I’d ever had… and the Lord loved, and loves, me deeply. He loved me to death on a cross. For me, that seemed worth pursuing. The Jesus I gave my life to at 15 is the same Jesus I serve today – a savior who knows and love me intimately, and desires the absolute best for me.

So I started following Jesus… and asking the Lord what It means to follow Jesus as a gay person. What I saw, and see, in Scripture is that same-sex sexual relationships are sinful. And believe me, over the years, I have read everything possible, I’ve considered my interpretation of the Bible, I have taken weekend-long retreats by myself with a Bible and a journal and said “Jesus, I’m letting go of all my previous assumptions… because this stinks.” I have spent 14 years, reading the Bible, asking hard questions of myself and my God, and trying to develop what I believe. And what I cannot shake is the conviction and Biblical understanding that all sexual intimacy is to be reserved for marriage, and God seems to only bless marriage between one man and one woman. My emotional response to this will range anywhere from “inconvenient” to “devastating,” depending on the day. What do I do with this?

For a while I dated women, and pursued orientation change… I prayed every prayer you can imagine, and asked God to “heal me,” to make me heterosexual. I was doing what people jokingly call “praying the gay away.”.… but after 8 years of prayer and pleading and struggling, i realized there was not a healing coming my way. As a side note, ministries that encourage orientation change have largely collapsed, after founders admitted publicly that 99% of same-sex-attracted folks don’t find orientation change possible. I find myself in that 99%. Finally, about 4 or 5 years ago, I had a mentor who loved me well enough to look me in the eye and said “Art… you are just waiting to be heterosexual to be loved by God.”

For years, I was waiting to be heterosexual to be loved by God. And that’s a shame, because God was, and is, present, ready to love me right in the moment, exactly as I am. And “as I am” includes the fact that… yeah, I’m gay. So I’ve had to ask the Lord, “Jesus, what does it look like to pursue holiness and healthiness as a gay man?” So I’ve decided to pursue celibacy. I pursue life-long singleness, out of obedience to Jesus and what I see that scripture teaches.

I know for a lot of you today, this theology of sexuality and marriage that I hold – that forbids same-sex sexual intimacy – is hard to hear. Some of us are gay, or same-sex-attracted, and this grieves us. Others are grieving for their gay sons, daughters, friends, neighbors. I don’t dismiss that. Hateful people have held and weaponized this theology against the gay community. The Church has, historically, treated the LGBTQ+ community like enemies- and not the kind of enemies we love well, like Jesus commanded us to. Gay people are more likely to die by suicide if they attend church than if they don’t.

But that is not representative of the gospel. God loves and is invested in the gay community*. I live in hope, and a lot of joy, as a gay man who chooses to follow Jesus… and today I want to share some of that with you.

We need to understand that we have a good God who will only lead us to goodness.

God is good. Period. He’s not just good by happenstance – he is the source of all good. And this good God, I believe He made me, knows what is good for me, and chose to communicate that in Scripture and the revelation of Jesus Christ. We sometimes have this image of God as being cruel, unkind, or fun-spoiling as He makes commands. Like he’s out to wreck our good time, or he flippantly takes from us.

Here’s the thing, I believe my Maker not only has a RIGHT to draw boundaries around how I live, but also has good reason to. My maker knows what I’m made for – and can point me in that direction. So if the creator has said to me “My child, you are not made for these sorts of relationships,” I can trust Him and follow Him into my best life. In fact, we consider parents unloving when they neglect to instruct their children in what is good and healthy for them. It is not hateful to lovingly instruct. God’s commands lead us to freedom, and fullness. And any boundary he puts on me – on my behavior, my actions, my relationships – is a boundary to protect me, not to harm me.

I mean, to be honest, that’s why I am so concerned with obeying a Biblical sexual ethic. It’s not that I find it comfortable or convenient, or that I’m concerned that if I were to date a man God would smite me with Lightning. I am just so convinced that there is this God who deeply loves me, and I am insistent on chasing the very best life for myself on this earth. My maker knows what that best life entails. According to scripture, that best life does not include a sexual relationship with a same-sex partner.

But honestly, no one’s sexuality should be lived out the same when it’s surrendered to Jesus – whether you’re gay or straight. Every single one of us is called by God to a better life than we’d

imagine for ourselves, and that better life involves boundaries and sacrifice in how we use our bodies and live in our relationships – this is every bit as true for straight folks as for gay folks. Jesus made it clear – to follow Him, we have to pick up our cross. And there’s a cross for every single one of us, but Jesus says that this cross leads to life.

Years ago, as I started realizing I was going to pursue celibacy, I was talking to my brother and I told him “I don’t want to accept a consolation prize for my life… I don’t want to be counting on my friends as some sort of third-place trophy for giving up a marriage.” The question for me has become “do I trust that what God has for me is not only good, but best? The number 1?”

And I truly believe that this is the best, most joyful version of my life – my gold medal - … but to understand that, we need to talk about what I am called into. See, A lot of times when we talk about sexuality, we just focus on all the restrictions – all the things we can’t do – and we lose sight of all the goodness and glory we are invited into.

In Mark 10, Peter and Jesus are talking, and Peter makes a rough statement- “Lord, we have given up everything to follow you.” This is what it’s easy for me to do- “JESUS I HAVE GIVEN UP EVERYTHING!” And Jesus looks at him and says “yes.” But he goes on! Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, 30 who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.”

It’s easy to say “God is restricting me and taking from me.” But a fuller theology Says “God HAS given me so much more than I could ever ask for, and EVERYTHING I lose to follow him, I’ll gain back a hundredfold.” This is what I have needed to understand – I am called to so much more than the restrictions the Lord places on my sexual relationships. And I’ve struggled with this, in large part, because our culture and the church both place SO MUCH emphasis on romantic relationships that the Bible does not. At times, I’m made to feel as if I’m missing out on the peak of life because I’m missing out on romance. Scripture never says this.

Hear me very clearly. The very peak of life is to know God and to enjoy fellowship in his family. It is not romance. It is not finding the right spouse and having 2.5 kids and a dog named spot. If you’re feeling an impulse to fight me in the parking lot after this, I’m sorry, Disney lied to you. The very peak of life is to know God and to enjoy fellowship in His family. And I have every single bit as much access to that as any heterosexual couple in this room. So God has not “unfairly robbed me” of anything. Sure, as a gay person following a Biblical sexual ethic, I’m missing out on romance. But I am called into so much more than I’m called away from.

I’m called into rich, beautiful friendships. In the LGBTQ+ community we often talk about “chosen family,’ which frankly is a concept Jesus would like to see us value a lot more in the church. By blood, I am an only child, and my dad passed away 9 years ago, so it’s just me and my mom. But you’ll always hear me tell stories about my “brothers,” guys who have adopted me into their families and share all of life with me. I get to love them, and be loved by them. To share life with them, and their wives, and their kids. Couples often have the responsibility to love their one household, and do everything else with limits… but singleness is the freedom to love, and be loved by, many households, really well. This is how God has fulfilled my Mark 10 promise, honestly… I gave up one loving relationship and got back hundreds.

I’m called into good work, and Kingdom impact. One of the realities of my life is that, as a single man, I have time, energy, and finances to tackle some things I otherwise couldn’t. Ways I can invest

in my church with more flexibility. Energy and time to be a mentor, to do work that I’m passionate about.

And I’m called into all the rich goodness of knowing Jesus, and being satisfied in Him and His love. And this is where you come in… because the church is called to be that love, present in my life. And not just in my life- but in the lives of other LGBTQ+ folks. You know, Dave’s told me your general numbers, and if statistics holds up, anywhere between 50-100 people in this community experience attraction to the same gender in some significant way. Straight friends -Those are your siblings in Christ. And as much as they cannot escape Christ’s command to holiness, you cannot escape Christ’s command to love them well. Are you ready to do it? Because we’re called in Galatians to shoulder one anothers’ burdens. I’m going to be honest, a lot of times, as a gay person in church, I find Christians heaping more stones onto my cross than Christians who are shouldering the responsibility.

If you were nodding your head when I was championing a biblical sexual ethic earlier, I need you to nod your head right now when I champion the need for church community to be a real and present family. Both are obedience issues, handed to us from Scripture, affirmed by Jesus.

So how can we do that?

First, we can insist on the dignity of the people around us. Frankly, this is the bare minimum we can extend to each other as people who bear the image of God. We don’t need to joke or tell stories at the expense of anyone else, because they are people loved by God. You can pretty safely assume there are LGBTQ+ around you. So speak in ways that reflect our dignity.

Secondly, we need to put down our judgement and our biases. There are a lot of double-standards that we’ve let thrive in the church. We’ve hyper-focused on the issue of gay sexuality, while we’ve let loose on other sins. I experience this quite a bit, when people treat me with a weird level of suspicion – asking if my roommate is actually my boyfriend, when I’ve already told them I’m celibate, or asking weirdly invasive questions about my life. Ask yourself if you’re more concerned about sexuality than you are about other issues of theology and sin – and ask God to show you why.

Thirdly, we need to think outside of our blood or legal family. In Christ, we are made siblings, and that has to count for something. One of the reasons that the Biblical sexual ethic can be so overwhelming for me and other gay people, is that it sounds like we’re condemned to loneliness. But if the church would be the sort of family that God calls them to be, this wouldn’t be the case. In many ways, I have taken up my obedience in celibacy, trusting that the church is going to take up its obedience in being a family to me. And you know what I’m finding? We’re all the better for it.

Single folks and married folks have a GREAT DEAL to offer each other. My married friends offer me a sense of stability and comfort. I know where I spend my holidays. At Christmas, I have a stocking up at 3 different houses, none of which are my blood family. I’m especially blessed to have a best friend who’s adopted me into his family – he’s a straight guy who lives with me, and has insisted on shouldering the burden of celibacy with me. He plans on finding a wife and building a family, and we’re planning ways I can be a part of that family – me living next door to them and having a sense of community, but also supporting them.

But that’s the thing – single folks have a lot to offer too. My pastor is a dear friend of mine, and he and his wife foster 4 young boys under the age of 8, all of whom are doing virtual school right now. So on Thursdays, I drive over there and spend a few hours helping with homework, etc. They need the backup!

So think outside of your blood or legal family. Build constant points of connection with us. Let us know that we have a place to be, not just this Christmas, but every Christmas. Invite us into holiday traditions, or build holiday traditions with us. Give someone a key to your house. Ask someone to mentor your kids, and show them that their voice matters.

Straight friends, I am asking you only what Jesus has asked of you – to love your sibling in Christ, to shoulder their burden, and to bless them as they bless you.

And Non-straight friends… Whether you consider yourself gay or bi or same-sex-attracted… if I can leave you with anything, it’s an assurance that you are deeply loved by God, right now, in this exact moment, as you are. God desires to know you and walk with you, and use you as a mighty display of His love and beauty in this world.

Dave’s going to close up, but please know that I’d love to be in touch with you, particularly if you are a gay or SSA person looking for community and connection. My email and website are on the screen. I’m around after the service to talk, too.

Blessings.

DAVE’S CONCLUSION

I want to personally thank Art for joining with us this morning. And I want to thank you for your warm hospitality, and the love that many of you have shown to Art. As Art just reminded us, this is not a topic that you just cover in a sermon and then move on. My hope is that today will be a catalyst that gets us thinking and talking and praying. I hope some of you are feeling that burden with me of loving our LGBT friend and neighbors better. I also realize that for many of you, your head is spinning, and you’re not sure what to think. Some of you might be angry. I get it. This is challenging. So we’ve put together a few resources for you to learn more.

I mentioned the seminar the Chapel staff participated in, called “Posture Shift.” The leader of that organization is a guy named Bill Henson, and when he was here we filmed a 30-minute interview with him. It’s really good, and I think it will address a lot of the questions you may have.

If you are a parent or a close family member of someone who is gay or same-sex attracted, that organization also offers support groups to help you love and support that family member. And you can also find a bunch of resources on their web site, leadthemhome.org.

And then finally, if you want to do some reading on this subject, we’ve put a list of recommended books for you. Some of those books will unpack the Scripture passages much more than I was able to do today.

You can find all those resources on the Chapel web site—thechapel.org. Just go to “Watch Online” and choose “Sermons,” and when you choose today’s sermon, you’ll see all of those resources I just mentioned.

So let me encourage you: keep thinking and praying and reading. But mostly, let’s keep going back to Jesus as our model. Think about it: all kinds of people—including people who felt shut out by religion—felt welcomed by Jesus. I’m sure there were all kinds of things in those people’s lives that Jesus needed to work on—just like we all have things he needs to work on. But Jesus didn’t start with that. He led with grace, and he led with love. And I believe his church should do the same.