Love
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Good morning Chapel family! Welcome to Common Ground 2022. For those of you who don’t know what that is, Common Ground is the time every fall when whole Chapel family is on the same page, studying the same Scripture, learning and growing together. And I am so excited about this year’s theme, “Fruition.” So we’ll be teaching through the classic passage on the fruit of the Spirit, from Galatians chapter five.
True confession: I need this series. I mean, personally, I need this. Because even though I’ve been walking with God for years, I still have the capacity to do stupid things—things that make my life and the lives of other people miserable. I have that ability! And guess what: so do you. I know—I’ve been watching you. So we need this series. Because it’s all about respecting the power of sin, but also realizing there’s a stronger power, named Jesus. And this series is going to teach us how to connect our lives with Jesus so powerfully that we actually start to become like him. Isn’t that what we need? Isn’t that what this angry and divided world needs? People who are more like Jesus, right?
So let’s do this: let’s set the stage by reading the Scripture that’s going to guide this entire series. Look with me at Galatians 5, verses 16 through 26. Let’s hear the Word of God…
16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. This is the Word of the Lord.
So Paul is describing this battle: if you are a believer in Christ, you have the Holy Spirit of God living in you, pulling you toward doing what’s right. BUT…you also have this thing called “the flesh,” that pulls you the other way. And by the way, don’t let that word “flesh” mislead you, because it’s not just talking about sins of the body; it’s the inner pull toward envy and pride and selfishness. So there’s this inner battle between the Spirit and the flesh. Does anyone here not know what I’m talking about? We all live this, right? And very often, we find ourselves losing the battle. We overeat…again. We gossip…again. We look at porn…again. We lose our temper…again. The battle is hard.
So the question is: how do you break out of that?
You know what we typically do? We try harder. It’s the New Year’s resolution mentality. “I just smoked my last cigarette; that’s it—I will never smoke again.” And then after dinner that night you feel that old familiar craving, and what happens to your resolution? It’s out the window. And I know
nicotine is a drug, but this applies to everything on that list, because sin is like a drug. Sin is addictive. So we need something really strong.
Look at verse 24: Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. I believe that’s the answer to this whole thing. Think about those words: Those who belong to Jesus Christ… This is the difference between religion and the real gospel. See, religion says, “Be good, so that you can belong to God.” The gospel says, “You belong to God! So now, you can be good!” Do you see the difference? When we realize that on the cross, everything that separated us from God was taken out of the way, and therefore we are fully accepted as his beloved sons and daughters—when that’s our identity, now we have the power to say no to the flesh—to crucify it—to put it to death. It only comes from the radical security of knowing I belong to God.
It’s just like parents and kids. If my kids think that I will only love them if they get good grades and keep their room clean and take out the garbage, and that if they don’t do those things I’m going to turn my back on them…what will that do to them? They’re going to be insecure, and they’re going to serve me because they’re afraid of me. Right? But if they know that they’re my beloved kids, and there’s nothing they could do to make me love them more or less, all of a sudden they will want do the right thing out of joy and gratitude.
So I don’t want to oversimplify this, but the answer to winning this battle and being the people we want to be is not trying harder to be good; it’s all about pushing into this relationship with Jesus. Finding our identity in him. Because the more we do that, his very Spirit—the Holy Spirit—fills us and empowers us. So instead of losing that battle with sin again, we find ourselves acting with love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control. Isn’t that a beautiful thought? And that’s what this series is all about.
So here’s how I’d summarize this whole thing. Get ready to hear this a lot this fall. You ready? Here’s what Common Ground 2022 is all about:
The pull of sin is strong But the living Christ is stronger So open yourself to his Spirit And you will bear his fruit
That’s what we’re going to talk about over the next nine weeks. So…before we talk about the first fruit of the Spirit, let’s just pause and ask for God’s blessing. Would you stand and pray with me?
PRAY
So the fruit of the spirit is, first of all, Love.
I’d like to share a personal story that I’ve never shared in public. Several Christmases ago, someone on the Chapel staff (whose identity I still don’t know) did something really thoughtful for the rest of the staff. This person made little hand-crafted ornaments, and each ornament had a single word, describing why they appreciated each staff member. And it came with a card, explaining why they chose that word. Great idea, right? So I opened mine up, and the word on my ornament was “Discipline.” And on the card, it said something like, “We love how disciplined you are as you study the Word and prepare to preach; it’s such a blessing to the whole church family.” Now: that’s a pretty good word for me. I’ve always been a disciplined person, whether it’s learning to play guitar, or when I was a competitive runner, or learning a new foreign language. And writing sermons week in and week out requires lots of discipline. So it’s a good word to describe me, and I like that about myself! So I hung the ornament on my tree.
But over the next few days, it started to bother me. I mean, I was glad I was a disciplined person, but I started thinking, “When I get to the end of my life, is that what I want to be known for?” Of all the virtues, when people think of me, do I want them to think, “Oh, we miss Dave, because he was so disciplined!” And the answer was obvious; I thought, “No—I want my legacy to have something to do with how I treated people!” And the more I thought about it, I realized what I really wanted was to be known for my love. And it wound up being one of those pivotal moments in my life, where I decided to recalibrate my priorities. I mean, I’ll never stop being disciplined—it’s just how I’m wired—but in the years since then I have intentionally paid attention to and listened to and spent time with and cared for and loved the people God has put in my life, more than I ever did before. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. So whoever made that horrible ornament, thank you—because God used that in a way you never intended.
Look: there’s nothing more important than love! It’s not random that it’s the first one on the list of the fruit of the Spirit. Jesus said the two most important commandments in the Hebrew Scriptures are…what? Love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as yourself. He said people will know we’re his disciples if we…love one another. 1 Corinthians 13 says you can have incredible faith and do amazing ministry exploits, but it’s all worthless if you don’t do it with…what? With love. You can be the most disciplined person in the world, but without love, it’s worthless. So the fruit of the Spirit is, first and most importantly, love.
So I don’t know what people would write on your ornament, or if you would be happy with that, but here’s what I do know about you: it is God’s will that you be a loving person. So how do we get there?
Let’s read this short passage from the book of 1 John. 1 John 3, verses 16 through 18:
16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
So from this passage, let’s talk about two things: What Love Is, and Where Love Comes From. What love is, and where love comes from.
So first, What Love Is. It’s three things.
First, Love is action. It’s action. Verse 18 says let us not love with words or speech but with actions and truth. Love is action. You can talk about love; you can sing about love; you can post about love on social media; but it’s not really love until it comes out in what you do. In our culture, there’s a hugely popular misconception that love is primarily a feeling. Right? So we talk about falling in love and falling out of love. As if we’re passive victims, and we can’t do anything about it. That’s an incredibly shallow view, because all through the Bible, we are commanded to love. Have you noticed that? And you can’t command a feeling. That would be ridiculous! But you can command an action.
Love is an action, not a feeling. Which means it’s possible to love someone even if you don’t have warm feelings for them. Right? I knew a woman whose father was awful to her when she was growing up. He was harsh; cold; never once did she hear him say the words, “I love you.” Obviously that damaged her; she had to work through forgiveness, which—with God’s help—she did. So I knew her when she was in her 50s and her dad was in his 80s; his wife was gone and his health was failing. And this woman would go to her dad’s house every day, and take care of him and feed him. Why would she do that? Because she had such warm feelings for him? Because they reminisced about wonderful
memories they had together? No. Because it was her dad, and she chose to pursue his well-being. That’s love.
So it’s possible to love someone even if you don’t have warm feelings for them. I’m going to guess that there are people in your life that you have some real differences with. Let’s be honest: you don’t really like them. But I need to tell you: it’s possible to love them. In some ways, that’s the most impressive kind of love.
And here’s something amazing: sometimes, when we don’t have warm feelings toward someone, but we choose to love them anyway, the warm feelings follow. Have you ever experienced that? Like, that woman I told you about—who had the mean father?—she committed herself to loving him in his final months of life. And as she did that, she was surprised to find in her heart a warmth and compassion for him that was never there before. Feelings make much better followers than leaders.
So love is not feelings or words; biblical love is action.
Secondly, Love is sacrifice. Look at verse 16: we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. So to love someone means you sacrifice yourself for their good—even to the point of laying down your life for them. Now: I like to think that if you and I were having coffee at Starbucks, and all of a sudden someone started shooting, and they aimed the gun at you, I like to think I would throw myself in front of you and take a bullet for you. I don’t know if I would actually do that, but I like to think I would. But you know what else I think? There’s an incredibly small chance that we will ever be in that situation. And that’s why we need to read the next verse!
Look at verse 17: 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? In other words, “laying down your life” usually doesn’t mean you lay it down all at once; you lay it down piece by piece: giving some time here; giving some money there; sacrificing your plans here. He’s talking about the simple, ordinary, everyday moments when we see a brother or sister and need, and we choose to sacrifice ourselves for their well-being. That’s what love looks like.
Years ago, there was a very stressful situation happening at The Chapel. We were in the middle of a huge decision that would affect a lot of people, and I was literally losing a lot of sleep over it. So one Saturday morning I was at my office, not because I’m so disciplined but because I was so stressed that I still hadn’t finished my sermon, and I was just feeling crushed by this decision. And I needed to talk to someone. So I called up one of our older staff members. And I explained the situation, and I said, “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” He said, “I’ll be right there.” And I don’t know what he had planned for that Saturday; he’s a busy guy, so I’m sure he had plans. But he saw my need, and he drove to the Chapel, and for about the next three hours he sat with me, and talked this thing through, and he helped me make a plan. He didn’t make the problem go away, but he bore the weight with me. That was about 14 years ago, and I still remember it today. That’s what love looks like. It’s action, and it's sacrifice.
And then third (and this is the hardest one), Love is undeserved. Verse 16 says This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for…who does it say? For us. That’s a big deal. Because we didn’t really deserve for him to do that for us. In the book of Romans, Paul fleshes out that idea—look at Romans 5, verses 7 and 8: 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. In other words, he loved us to the point of his own death not because we were so wonderful, but simply because he loves us. Biblical love is a kind of love that’s undeserved.
So what does this mean for the way that we love? Well, Jesus talked about this in the Sermon on the Mount. Look with me at Matthew 5, verses 43 to 47:
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?
So Jesus gives three examples of how to love undeserving people. Verse 44 says love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. So the first thing is: You pray for them. And that doesn’t mean you pray, “Dear God, please make them miserable. Please make that bus run over them.” It’s not that kind of prayer. You pray for their good. You pray for their blessing. You pray for their family. You know what I’ve found? It’s hard to hate someone when you regularly pray for them. It’s almost impossible. Pray for them. If your family is having trouble with some angry neighbor or tough boss or mean teacher—pray for God’s goodness on that person. It’s powerful.
And then in verse 45, he says God causes the sun to rise, and he sends rain, on both good people and nasty people. So in other words, he does practical, good things—even for his enemies. Romans 12:20 says On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.” So the next time you’re in a knock-down, drag out argument with your spouse, bring him a cup of coffee. (That’s just a hint for my wife). Or, go out in the rain and fill her car up with gas. Practical acts of love that diffuse tension.
And then in verse 47, he says, “Hey—even the pagans greet their own people.” So Jesus calls us to go beyond that, and greet people that we’re at odds with. Why would that matter? Well, what does it mean to greet someone? It means you acknowledge their presence. You notice them. You show them basic respect and warmth. Because when you ignore people, what you’re really saying is, “I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t care that you exist.” So Jesus says, “You can love those difficult people in your life by something as simple as greeting them.” Hmm.
So…we all have people in our lives that we don’t feel deserve our love, right? And Jesus calls us to love them by praying for them, doing practical things for them, and greeting them.
So the Bible gives us this picture of what real love looks like: it’s action, not talk or feelings; it’s sacrificial—laying down our lives usually a little piece at a time; and it’s given to people who don’t deserve it. So much different from the version of love that we so often see around us, right? It’s countercultural and it’s beautiful. And the question is, “How do you get that? How do you become a person who loves like that?”
Second and final point: Where Love Comes From. This passage that we’re looking at in 1 John 3 is part of a much longer section where John is describing love. And in chapter 4, verse 19, he sums up everything he’s saying like this: We love because he first loved us. In other words, the only way we’re going to be able to live out this active, sacrificial, undeserved love is by receiving and being changed by the love that God has for us. And let me say it in a negative way: the reason we often don’t love the way we should—the reason we tend to be self-absorbed and petty and stingy—is because we haven’t received the love of God very well. We might know the gospel really well in our heads, but we haven’t let it penetrate our hearts.
Beth Moore, in one of her books, talks about a moment of insight in her life. She was watching a talk show, and on this talk show they had a husband and wife who had experienced a parent’s worst nightmare: their college-age son was killed by a drunk driver. Also on that talk show they had the drunk driver who killed their son. And the thing that made it so incredible is that the parents had forgiven this young driver. But they had gone even further: they had taken him to live in their home. This is a true story! This young man came from a bad home situation, so they invited him into their home. And he sat at their dinner table in the chair where the son used to sit. And he worked with the victim’s father—they went around and taught about the effects of drunk driving, giving seminars around the country. I mean, just an unbelievable thing!
So Beth Moore was watching this, and she kept trying to put herself in the parents’ position. Like, “How would I respond? Could I ever forgive like that? Could I ever love that deeply?” And she just couldn’t see herself doing that.
And then she had this breakthrough. She said, “I realized I was putting myself in the wrong position. I was trying to put myself in the shoes of the parents, but I realized that on a much deeper level, I was the driver. I’m the one who has sinned against God—I’ve offended and hurt Him—and in fact, my sin helped put His Son on the cross. So God is the parent who’s been hurt so deeply. And yet he’s forgiven me, and even more—he’s brought me into his family and given me a place at His table, and he allows me to share in His work with Him. In every way, He loves me as his own son.”
And she said it was one of those moments where the gospel became good news in a way that it had never been to her before. She received the love of God at a whole new level, which enabled her to love at a whole new level.
As I look ahead to this coming week, I can almost guarantee you’re going to be in a situation where it’s really hard to show love. Would you agree with that? Because I don’t I know if you’ve noticed—this world has gotten really stressful. So your spouse is going to annoy you, or your friend is going to anger you or your son or daughter is going to frustrate you, and it’s just going to be really hard to show love. I can almost guarantee that’s going to happen. And at that moment, you’re going to remember the incredible love that God has for you. How he sent his Son to die for you, even though you didn’t deserve it at all. You’re going to remember that you are his beloved son or daughter. And as you realize God’s love for you, you’re going to open yourself up to the Holy Spirit, and you’re going to feel this new power entering into you. And you’re going to find your heart softened toward that other person. And you’re going find yourself saying things and doing things for that person that you could never do on your own. Because it’s won’t be you! It’s actually his Spirit filling you, and his love flowing through you.
I truly believe that this week, you’re going to be faced with some hard-to-love people. But it is staggering to think how different this week could be if you respond to those people with love. You don’t have that power in yourself! But God has all the power you need.
The fruit of the Spirit is, first and foremost, love.