Kindness
Use the material to go deeper into this Series on your own, or with your small group.
Series Materials
Sermon Questions
Good morning Chapel family. We’re taking this fall to walk through the famous fruit of the Spirit teaching from the New Testament. Imagine yourself walking through life with love, joy, peace—just imagine this—in your job, with your friends—with patience, kindness, goodness—interacting with your family with faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. It’s an awesome thought, isn’t it? And what we find in that main teaching, in Galatians chapter 5, is this: the key to resisting our lower impulses and living that beautiful kind of life is not just trying harder; it’s learning to connect our lives with the power of Christ. In other words…
The pull of sin is strong But the living Christ is stronger So open yourself to his Spirit And you will bear his fruit.
So this series all about allowing the Holy Spirit to fill us and change us and make us more like Jesus.
And today we come to the fifth fruit of the Spirit, which is kindness.
Early in the pandemic, I had to transfer the title on a used car that we bought. So I went to the Wayne DMV. (You already know this is not going to end well, right?). I got there at 5:30am, because I heard about the crazy lines. So after waiting for about two hours with hundreds of other people, a DMV employee came out and shouted that if we were there for anything other than driver’s licenses, we were at the wrong DMV location. So I got out of line and walked up to that employee, and I asked him where I needed to go for a new title. He didn’t even turn around and look at me; he just said, “Check the web site,” and walked away. That is a perfect example of what kindness is not.
On the other hand, earlier this month, Norma Jean and I both had Covid. And numerous people dropped off home-cooked dinners on our front porch. Beautifully prepared, carefully wrapped, still piping hot with melty cheese and chewy bread—it was amazing. They didn’t have any obligation to do that; we didn’t even ask them to; they just did it. It was truly wonderful. And that’s a perfect example of kindness.
Let me propose a definition of kindness, based on how that term is used in the Bible. Kindness means going out of your way to treat people with dignity, warmth, and generosity. Think about those two examples I just gave. Did the DMV guy go out of his way to treat me with dignity, warmth, and generosity? Not even a little. Did those people who brought us food go out of their way to treat us with dignity, warmth, and generosity? Definitely. I can still taste their kindness.
When you’re the recipient of unkindness, it’s discouraging and deflating, and sometimes even crushing. When you’re the recipient of kindness, it can positively change the whole trajectory of your day, or even your life. Kindness is a powerful thing. So how do you become a powerfully kind person? I’d like to answer that question by looking at a story that Jesus told.
Look with me at Luke chapter ten, beginning in verse 25. Let’s hear the Word of God…
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” This is the Word of the Lord.
So this expert in the Hebrew law asks Jesus, “What do I have to do to inherit eternal life?” And like he so often did, Jesus answers the question by a asking another question: “What is written in the law?” Because this was a guy who supposedly knew the Scriptures. And the guy says, “Love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as yourself.” And Jesus says, “You have answered correctly. Do this and you will live.”
Now: if this man really knew himself, and if he were brutally honest, he might’ve said, “Wow—so you’re saying I’m supposed to love God with every part of me, and love other people as much as I love myself—that’s a really high standard. I don’t think I’m doing that well. Rabbi, could you help me do this better?” If he had said that, the conversation would’ve gone in a very different direction. But instead, it says “he wanted to justify himself.” This guy is so much like us. So he asks Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” Like, I’m pretty sure I’m good here. But just to clarify: When you say “neighbor,” what exactly do you mean? He’s hoping Jesus will narrow it down, like, “I mean your family and the people in the synagogue,” so he can say, “Yeah—that’s what I thought. Yes, I love them.” The guy had no idea what he was setting himself up for.
Garrison Keillor once said: “Prophecy can explain only so much. Storytelling is required for the rest.” So, as he often did, Jesus tells a story. And it’s a story that perfectly illustrates the virtue of kindness. So in this story, we learn four things about kindness: The Need for Kindness, The Lack of Kindness, The Practice of Kindness, and The Secret of Kindness. The need, the lack, the practice, and the secret.
So, first, let’s talk about The Need for Kindness. In the story Jesus tells, there’s a man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. That’s about a 17-mile journey on a steep, windy road. All along that road, there are little caves, which were perfect hideouts for bandits. The first-century historian Josephus wrote that people who traveled that road often took weapons to protect themselves. So this is like walking through South-Central L.A., or inner-city Detroit, at night. And sure enough, the man was attacked, stripped, robbed and beaten, and left for dead on the side of the road.
So let’s step back for a minute. The man asks Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” And Jesus launches into a story about an assault victim lying on the road. Why? Because you and I are surrounded by wounded and hurting people. So if we want to understand kindness, we have to understand that this man lying on the road represents people in our lives. So…what does that look like?
Sometimes it’s obvious, like a guy bleeding on the road. Each month we take teams to Paterson to serve the homeless, and for most of the people we encounter, their need is obvious. Let me show you an example. We have a rule that we don’t take pictures of people’s faces, just to honor their dignity. But I can show you where someone was living. This is in Roberto Clemente Park, right off Market Street by Eastside High School, if you know that area. So a few of us approached this shelter and we asked if anyone was in there, and if they were hungry. And we were answered by the voice of a woman. I couldn’t see her clearly in the darkness of her shelter, but I would guess she was around 35 years old. Living there. We gave her a bag of food that Chapel people had donated. We asked if we could help her get into detox, or to a homeless shelter, and she said no, which is the typical answer (although occasionally people are ready, and we help them make that step). I asked if I could pray for her, and she said yes, which most people say. So I asked for her hand, and she extended it out the side of the mattress; I held it and I knelt on that cardboard box and prayed for God’s blessing and healing in her life. It was a very tender moment, and a seed of kindness was planted.
Probably for some of you, you’re surrounded by needs that are that obvious. So you don’t need to go far to find the man bleeding on the side of the road—they’re all around you. But sometimes the needs are a little more hidden. People who are silently struggling with anxiety and depression. People who are secretly battling an eating disorder, or agonizing over sexual identity. Some of the victims on the road aren’t so obvious, but believe me, they have their wounds. And in order to love them, we need to see them.
There’s a particular kind of pain that’s so easy to miss, but it’s becoming more and more common. Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. Surgeon General, said this: “During my years caring for patients, the most common pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes; it was loneliness.” Guys, this is a big deal. As our culture becomes more busy and wealthy and technologically advanced, we are becoming severely disconnected. And it’s devastating. So if you read the Good Samaritan passage, and you say, “Of course! If I saw a wounded assault victim by the side of the road, of course I would help,” we need to realize that in our world, you might encounter the kind of people that Jesus is talking about less often like this
The point is: the needs are all around us. In fact, all of us are broken and wounded in one way or another, right? And Jesus says, “If you want to love your neighbor as yourself, you have to see and care about the pain of others.”
But the reality is, we don’t always do that. Let’s talk about The Lack of Kindness. Jesus continues the story—verse 31: A priest happened to be going down the same road…I’m sure the people listening to Jesus thought, “Whew! Help is on the way! Of all the people who could pass by, it’s a guy who does good deeds for a living!” But here’s the first surprise, in a story that’s full of surprises: and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. Well that’s weird. He must have a good reason. But here comes someone else! Verse 32: So too, a Levite…Levites were people from the tribe of Levi, and they assisted the priests in the temple. Surely this guy will stop. But once again…when he came to the place and saw him, he too passed by on the other side.
What’s happening here? Did they fear they would get jumped themselves? Like, maybe this was a setup? Did they fear being made ceremonially unclean? You know, there were laws about touching
sick or dead people, and becoming unclean—so that you couldn’t perform your priestly duties for a while. Were they just in a hurry? I don’t know.
Back in the 1970s, Princeton Seminary conducted a study. They took a group of theology students, and they told them they needed to go to a building on the other side of the campus and give a sermon about the Good Samaritan, and they need to hurry because they didn’t have much time. Little did the students know, they had also hired an actor to play the part of a victim who was coughing and suffering and asking for help, sitting right along the path to that building. Perfect setup, right? So, what happened? Ninety percent of the students completely ignored the suffering person. The study said this: “Indeed, on several occasions, a seminary student going to give his talk on the parable of the Good Samaritan literally stepped over the victim as he hurried on his way!”
That’s pretty sad, right? But it’s easy to judge them. What about us? When we’re confronted with someone in need, what is it that keeps us from stopping and showing love?
I think there are a few reasons. First: self-righteousness. When we see someone struggling with life, don’t we sometimes feel like they brought it on themselves? So why should we help? What we don’t realize is that we could easily be in their position. The sociologist Brené Brown said it like this:
We are “those people.” The truth is…we are the “others.” Most of us are one paycheck, one divorce, one drug-addicted kid, one mental health diagnosis, one serious illness, one sexual assault, one drinking binge, one night of unprotected sex, or one affair away from being “those people”—the ones we don’t trust, the ones we pity, the ones we don’t let our children play with, the ones bad things happen to…
There’s wisdom in those words. I wonder if the priest and the Levite felt just a little too good for the guy on the road. I think sometimes that’s what stops us from helping. Self-righteousness.
Another reason is busyness. We’re so fixed on our agenda, and we have so little margin in our lives, and we think to ourselves: if I spend time with this person, I’ll never get everything else done. So we get protective with our time. A third reason is messiness. We fear getting sucked into something that’s going to drain us, and we doubt we can fix it. What we don’t realize is that God doesn’t ask us to fix people—that’s His job; he just asks us to treat them with kindness.
So how do we push past our resistance, and actually love our neighbor as ourselves? Let’s talk about The Practice of Kindness. Verse 33: 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. What does this tell us about what it means to be kind? I see two main things:
First, it’s boundary-crossing. This is the biggest surprise of this passage! A Samaritan! When Jesus said that word, it’s hard to explain the reaction his Jewish listeners would have had. Because when we hear the word, we immediately think, what? “The Good Samaritan.” We think of a good guy! Not if you were Jewish person in the first century. Samaritans were people who had some Jewish blood, but it was mixed with Gentile blood, and there was huge hostility between the two races. Suspicion. Mistrust. Deep, deep prejudice. A boundary that shouldn’t be crossed.
It’s hard to find a modern-day equivalent. Maybe it would be a Russian soldier or a Russian oligarch—just despised because of what they’re doing in Ukraine. Or maybe for you, it would be someone from a certain ethnic group that you just feel uncomfortable around—you feel threatened by the way they dress and the way they talk; even the way they smell. Maybe an undocumented immigrant. Or someone who’s passionately on the other side of the political aisle from you. I don’t know who the Samaritan would be for you, but all of us have certain people that we struggle to love, don’t we? And
here’s what Jesus is saying: loving your neighbor sometimes means crossing a social boundary by caring about people that are very different from us. We’re going to need some supernatural help, don’t you think?
Secondly, this kind of love is sacrificial. A few years ago, there was a movement called “Save Darfur.” Darfur is a region of Sudan, and there were terrible atrocities going on there, so people were speaking out against it. So they developed a Facebook page called “Save Darfur,” and over a million people liked the page, indicating that they cared and wanted to help. So there was a researcher from UNC Chapel Hill, who wanted to find out how social media campaigns like that actually help. You know what he found out? 99.8% of the people who liked the page had never donated a penny to the cause. Isn’t that amazing? And he said the problem is, supporting things on social media makes you look good to your friends, but it doesn’t cost you anything. So it doesn’t do much good.
In contrast, look what the Samaritan did. He gave up his time. Right? I don’t know where he was heading, but he changed his plans for this guy. He gave his own oil, and his own wine to treat the guy’s wounds. He put the guy on his own donkey (that must have been a mess). He took him to an inn, and he stayed overnight with him. The next day, he paid for the inn with his own money. And even when he had to leave, he made arrangements for the guy to be cared for, and he promised to stop back and check on him, and cover any additional expenses. In other words, this love that Jesus taught was sacrificial. It’s not a Facebook “like.” It will cost us: money and time and convenience.
Biblical kindness is boundary-crossing, and it’s sacrificial.
So how do we live this out consistently? Let’s talk about The Secret of Kindness. When he’s done telling the parable, Jesus asks a question: 36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” 37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” What do you think this religious expert was thinking? Hopefully, he was thinking two things. And these are the same two things we should be thinking.
First, we should feel challenged. Because Jesus just gave us a memorable picture of kindness! So we should be thinking, people are so precious and so important—even people that are different from me. And I need to see their pain, and move toward people, and sacrifice myself for them. I hope your mind is churning with practical ways you can live this out. This teaching should challenge us.
But also, we should feel exposed. Because if we’re honest, we’ll admit that we fall so far short of this standard. Right? So many times we see, but we don’t see. We avoid eye contact. We pass by on the other side of the road. Can we just be honest about that? One of the biggest things Jesus calls us to do, we don’t do very well. So…what do we do about that? We realize that we need help. We stop trying to justify ourselves, and we turn to God, and say, “Help! I’m not that good at this!”
And when you turn to God, you know what you’re going to see? You’re going to find that he is full of kindness toward you. Look what it says in Titus 3, verses 4 and 5: But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. So let me ask you a question: when did the kindness and love of God our Savior appear? When Jesus showed up. See, the ultimate Good Samaritan is actually Jesus! Think about it: he saw you, beat up on the side of the road, because of sin. And he didn’t just cross a social boundary and sacrifice his oil and his wine; he crossed the boundary from heaven to earth and sacrificed his life so you could be healed. Have you received his healing? You just have to say yes to him. And that’s where kindness starts.
So the secret of kindness is to recognize your need, receive the kindness of God, and then pour it out to other people. Be a wounded healer. Keep receiving the kindness of Christ, and keep giving it out to the people around you. It is a beautiful way to live.
So as we close today, I want to get very practical. Because there is a unique opportunity coming up in two weeks, and I really want you to be part of this. On Saturday, November 5, we are holding our first ever all-Chapel service day. It’s called “WeServe,” and we plan to mobilize hundreds of Chapel people to go out and show kindness to our neighbors. So everyone is going to gather at The Chapel at 8am—we’ll have coffee and bagels and a prayer for God’s blessing on our day, and then we will go out to 14 different locations and serve for about a half-day. Let me just give you three examples…
We have a long history with New City Kids, which is an after-school enrichment program in Paterson. They’re making a huge difference in the lives of kids, and they’re asking us to send a team on November 5 to help them do a major cleanup and organizing of their facilities. So no special skills required—just a willingness to get dirty, and you’ll meet some amazing people. Lunch is provided. So you can sign up for that one.
Here’s another one: The Great Falls Center, which is located right across the street from the famous Paterson Great Falls. Among other things, they host the Workmanship Program, which is a free trade school that serves young people from Paterson. So they’re asking us to send a team on November 5 to do some light demolition to make an auditorium. If you’ve ever done demolition, you know this is going to be a fun way to spend a few hours. Again, no skills required; they will provide all the tools and supplies necessary, and lunch is provided. So you can sign up for that one.
One more: there is a church in Paterson called Iglesia Bautista Central—Central Baptist Church. Six years ago the church was badly damaged by a fire. So they’re in the process of rebuilding, and they’re asking us to send a team on November 5 to help them. For this one, some basic construction experience would be helpful. Great opportunity to show kindness to our Latino neighbors down the road. So you can sign up for that one.
Besides those three examples, there are 11 other opportunities—with Grandma’s Place homeless shelter, and Lighthouse Pregnancy Resource Center and Good Shepherd Mission, and the list goes on. You can see all the opportunities on our web site, thechapel.org, right on the home page—you can’t miss it. But we want to make it even easier for you! So in the Chapel lobby today, you’ll see a display in the lobby, with every opportunity explained, and you can actually scan the QR code with your phone, and sign up right on the spot. So I want to challenge you to not leave church today until you are signed up. And by the way, this is a great opportunity to invite family members and friends to come out and serve with you—even if they’re not believers, this is a great way to show them what followers of Jesus do.
Kindness really is a powerful thing. It means going out of your way to treat people with dignity, warmth, and generosity. We have an opportunity to show it in a big way on November 5, but even before then, when you walk out of here today, I pray that God will open your eyes to see the hurting people on the side of the road, and I pray you will be so filled with his kindness that you will go out of your way to treat them with dignity, warmth and generosity. There’s just no better way to live.