Asking

June 1, 2025

In "Asking," Pastor Dave Gustavsen shares five principles that should guide us when we pray. God invites us to pray boldly, like kids asking a loving Father. At the same time, we should pray with humility, trusting that God sees what we cannot and knows what is best. When we don't know what to pray, the Holy Spirit helps us. Sometimes God answers quickly, and sometimes He doesn't - but we're encouraged to keep asking, trusting in HIs love and wisdom.

Once upon a time there was a young, single woman named Jeanine, who desperately needed a kidney transplant. The year was 1999; I was serving as Pastor of Single Adults here at The Chapel. So on September 19, 1999 (I remember the details, because it’s written in the back of my Bible), we were on a retreat with the Chapel singles group. And Jeanine shared with us how critical her situation was—she had been waiting for a long time already, and she was running out of time. So we all gathered around her, and put our hands on her shoulders, and for about ten minutes we prayed that God would provide a kidney. The retreat ended; we all went home.

On September 23—four days later—I was at home and Jeanine called. She sounded scared. She said, “I just got a call from a hospital in Florida.” “Yes?” “They found a match for me, and they need me to come right away and have the transplant done.” I said, “That’s amazing—it’s exactly what we prayed for! Why do you sound so worried?” She said, “What do you think I should do?” And I realized that she was so not expecting this, and so caught off guard, that it paralyzed her. What should I do? So I reached deep inside for my most profound pastoral wisdom. And I said, “TAKE THE KIDNEY!” 24 hours later she was in the hospital, recovering from a successful transplant. And I have to tell you: for that singles group, and for me, and for Jeanine, it was an unforgettable moment of answered prayer.

I hope you’ve had some experiences like that: where you pray for something specifically, and it happens. If you haven’t, I hope one of the results of this series is that you will experience that. It truly is amazing—just like Jesus said: “Ask and you will receive!”

But can we be totally honest? Haven’t you also had times where you prayed just as passionately about something, and it didn’t happen? I have. Why is that? Did I not do it the right way? Did I not have enough faith? Some of you very spiritual people are thinking, “Well, it just must not have been God’s will.” Okay, but if God always just carries out his will, then what’s the point of praying? This whole subject brings up so many questions. And that’s why we need to talk about it today.

So…our passage today is from Matthew chapter 7, starting in verse 7. Let’s hear God’s Word…

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! This is the Word of the Lord.

So, starting with this teaching of Jesus, I want to share with you five things that should guide us when we’re making requests of God. Five principles of asking. Here we go…

First: Ask with boldness. This teaching is part of Jesus’ most famous sermon—the Sermon on the Mount. He’s sitting on a hillside; huge crowd of people gathered around him. And he speaks directly to the parents in the audience: “Think about it: if your little son came up to you and asked you for a piece of bread, would you give him a rock? If he asked you for a fish, would you hand him a snake?” And all the parents in the crowd are thinking, “It depends how much of a brat the kid has been recently.” Of course the parents thought, “I love my child, and I would delight in giving them what they were asking for.” So Jesus says, “If you guys love giving good gifts to your kids, even though you’re evil…” Wait a minute…why did he call them “evil?” He’s not calling them “evil” in an absolute sense; he’s talking in a comparative sense to make a point. Compared to the perfect character of God, and the perfect love of God, we humans are tainted, right? We have mixed motives; we can be selfish. We’re a mix of good and evil. So Jesus says, “If you parents are far from perfect and you love giving to your kids, can’t you see how much more you Father in heaven—who’s perfectly good in every way—loves to give good gifts to those who ask him. God loves giving to his kids. And the more we believe that, the more we will come to God, with a childlike boldness…and ask.

In fact, Jesus didn’t just teach us to ask boldly; he taught us to ask almost annoyingly. I’ve always been shocked by this passage—Luke 11, beginning in verse 5:

5 Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; 6 a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ 7 And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ 8 I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.

9 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Isn’t that a surprising teaching? We should come to God with “shameless audacity?!” Really? Other translations say “persistence” or “impudence.” I think the Yiddish version says “chutzpah.” And by the way, there’s a similar teaching in Luke 18—you might just want to jot down Luke 18:1-8—about a widow who makes a request of a judge, and at first the judge says no, but the widow keeps coming back and asking over and over again, and finally the judge gives her what she wants because he’s so annoyed and he just wants it to stop. And Jesus says, “That’s how you should pray.” So think about this! Jesus is teaching us that when we approach God with our requests, we should be so comfortable in our status as his children, and in his goodness as a Father, that we come boldly, and persistently, and if there’s no answer the first time, pound on the door a little harder. Wow!

I look back on my life, and I think of those times—like the time with Jeanine and her kidney—when people had the audacity to ask, and God seemed to take joy in answering the prayers of his children. Sometimes I think he does that especially with actual children, to grow their faith.

When my first son was about 3 years old we were walking through a mall, and my son had a little super ball—a little rubber ball—that he really loved. And he was walking along, bouncing it. And he lost control over it, and we watched it ricochet off a few people, and then head toward the railing. We were on the second floor of the mall, and we watched the ball go over the edge. That ball was pretty important to my son, so we ran down the stairs, looking everywhere for the ball, but it was literally like finding a needle in a haystack. So we looked for a few minutes, and gave up. And we sat down on the edge of a big, long planter box, where they had plants and trees growing in this mall—you know, with the skylight up above. And I said to my son, “Let’s pray that God shows us where the ball is.” So I prayed. After the prayer, something told me to reach behind me. So I reached into like a pachysandra ground cover of plants behind me, and my hand immediately felt something small and rubber and round…and I lifted the ball out. I was speechless. And my son grabbed his ball and starting bouncing it again, and I remember thinking, “Lord, you really love this kid, don’t you?”

Some of you could tell very similar stories. Stories about finding lost items; stories about sicknesses healed; stories about relationships restored and amazing doors opening. Times when you just had the boldness to ask God for what was on your heart…and it happened. Our Father in heaven loves giving good gifts to those who ask him. So ask with boldness!

At the same time, we need to Ask with humility. Is that even possible—to be bold and humble at the same time? I think it is. So why the humility? Well, partly because of who God is. Last week we talked about the holiness and glory of God, and having a healthy fear of God. That’s a humbling thing. But more specifically, we pray humbly because we realize that our desires—the things we pray for—rise out of our limited perspective of the world. Right?

Look with me at Isaiah 55, verses 8 and 9:

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Look: no matter how educated I may be, I see a tiny sliver of reality. God sees every piece of reality. God sees the future as well as the past and the present. So there are times when I ask God for something, because it seems so clear to me that this would be a good thing. And God denies my request, because in his perfect wisdom he knows things that I don’t know. As usual, Tim Keller expressed it well: “God will either give us what we ask or give us what we would have asked if we knew everything he knows.”

I think of some of the things I’ve prayed for over the years. I prayed for success in my pre-med studies, and that success never came…and now I see it’s because God was calling me to be a pastor. In college I prayed that certain girls I wanted to date would say “yes” to me, and that prayer was not answered, because God had someone different for me, and now I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. I’ve prayed for certain injuries to heal quickly, and they actually healed very slowly, because God wanted to teach me patience, and maturity, and compassion for other suffering people. So when I came to God with those prayers, was he listening, like a loving Father? Yes. But he didn’t give me what I asked for, because he knows way more than I do. So he said “no.”

There’s someone in my life that I’ve been praying for passionately, for more than a year, that he would be healed from an illness. I’m pounding on the door of heaven with this one. And for some reason, God has not granted that request. I can’t figure out why. But just because I don’t know the reason, doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason. Because God knows way more than I do. So I’m going to keep on pounding, and one day maybe I’ll understand the delay.

So…is there ever a time to stop asking? Look with me at 2 Corinthians 12, starting in verse 7—this is Paul the Apostle speaking: 7b Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. So there was something in Paul’s life that he did not like. Something painful.  8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. So Paul asked and asked and asked, until it was clear that God’s answer was no, and then he stopped asking for it. Now: is this a rule? Like, “You may only pray for something three times, then stop.” No. We can always come to God with our requests. But there does come a time to stop focusing on getting rid of our thorn—whatever it may be—and to start dreaming about how God might want to use that thorn for good things. It seems like defeat, right? Like, “I gave up.” But for Paul, submitting to God’s will and embracing that weakness was actually the path to power.

So ask with boldness, but as you ask, realize that God is infinitely more wise than you are, so ask with humility. Of course Jesus did this better than anyone. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus knew God’s plan was for him to suffer and die on the cross. And in his humanness he asked to get out of it. But look how he did it—Luke 22:42…“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” “Lord, this is what I want! I’m asking boldly! But ultimately I will submit myself to your will.”

Ask with boldness, and ask with humility.

Number 3: Ask with dependence. Have you ever sat down to pray, and after about two minutes, you don’t know what to say? You just draw a blank. It’s very common. The next time that happens, open up the Bible and read these two verses—Romans 8:26-27… 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. Isn’t that an awesome concept? The Holy Spirit of God, who lives in every believer, prays for us. I believe this happens in two ways. Sometimes when we pray, it’s happening in the background, and we don’t even realize it. Let’s say you want to pray for your son. And you say, “Uh—God—I pray for my son…give him a good day…and, um, bless him…” Meanwhile, the Holy Spirit is saying, “Father, here’s what he’s really trying to say: his son is going to face that temptation again today and he needs your help.” (Which, by the way, you didn’t even know your son was going to face that temptation today—but the Holy Spirit knows it). “So Father, give that young man self-control; show him there’s a way out of the temptation; help him to depend on Me—the Holy Spirit—to do the right thing today.” All that’s going on in the background, between God the Spirit and God the Father, and you’re completely unaware. And you walk away going, “Man that was kind of a lame prayer.” And the Holy Spirit says, “That was an awesome prayer. You just showed up; I took care of the rest.” The Spirit intercedes for us.

Other times, when the Spirit intercedes in our prayers, we know something is happening. Listen to how Charles Spurgeon explains praying in the Spirit:

[The Holy Spirit] dwells within us as our Counselor and points out to us what it is we should seek at the hands of God. We do not know why it is so, but we sometimes find our minds carried as by a strong undercurrent into a particular line of prayer for some definite purpose.

Have you ever experienced that? You start praying, and all of a sudden, a certain person rises up in your mind. It’s like you’re in the ocean and you’re being pulled by a current. And you never planned on praying for that person, but you start praying for them. The Holy Spirit intercedes like that, and he aligns our prayers with God’s will. So the next time you pray, pray with a conscious awareness of the Holy Spirit, and a conscious dependence on him. It might add a sense of wonder and a sense of the supernatural that you’ve never experienced in prayer before. So ask with dependence.

Number 4: Ask with readiness. Look with me at James 2, starting in verse 15: 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. This is not talking specifically about prayer. But the principle very much applies. We could say it like this: If someone is without clothes and food, and you pray for them, but you do nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? Prayer by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. Now: are some instances where we pray for something, and it’s completely in God’s hands? Of course. But there are other times when we pray for something, and we actually have the opportunity to be part of God’s answer.

For example. Part of my regular prayer time is to pray the Lord’s Prayer in the morning. But not just recite it; I pray each phrase, and then think through what that means for me, specifically, for that day. And it’s amazing how the Holy Spirit brings different things to mind each time—same prayer, but millions of different applications. I remember a time, a few years ago, when I waz really focusing on that line: Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. So when I get to that line, I’ve been praying, “Lord, make me a person who’s not easily offended. Help me to forgive quickly today. Don’t let me carry any grudges. Help me to be so in tune with your grace toward me, that I exude grace to those around me. Even when people truly offend me, help me to rise above that and show forgiveness.” Be careful what you pray for.

Right around that time, I returned home late after a meeting—it was around 10pm. And I was so looking forward to relaxing and getting to bed. But the evening didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped. My dear, sweet wife was not in a great mood that evening. (In case you’re wondering, I have full permission to share this. I think). So we got into a conversation about our vacation plans for the following summer, and my wife pointed out that I always seem to get my way when it comes to vacations, and the more she thought about it, the more angry she got. So we stayed up way too late discussing, and finally went to bed, and I was feeling very unjustly attacked.

So I woke up the next morning, bleary-eyed and exhausted, and I’m going to be honest: my first instinct was to be resentful toward Norma Jean. I felt like garbage physically, and it was all her fault. So my first thought was: make her pay for this. I know, this is ugly, but I’m being honest. Make her feel sorry for being so mean, and making you lose sleep. Because I can do that pretty well. I know that game. But before I even got out of bed, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper in my soul, “Remember what you’ve been praying.” What? “Remember what you prayed just yesterday morning? Forgive those who offend you? Rise above this. Release her from this debt. And by the way, you can be pretty selfish when it comes to vacations—you do get your way a lot.” I hate when the Holy Spirit agrees with my wife. And in that moment, lying in bed, I made a choice—and it’s a choice that I don’t always make. I chose to cooperate with God in what I had prayed for: I forgave her, and I chose to focus on my part. And the only way I can explain it was that there was a surge of joy, and a surge of power that came with that decision.

I love this quote from Miroslav Volf: “There is something deeply hypocritical about praying for a problem you are unwilling to resolve.” So let me ask you: when you ask God for something, are you ready and willing to be part of the answer? Ask with readiness.

And then, number 5: Ask for others. Samuel the priest once made a speech to the people of Israel, and he said this—1 Samuel 12:23…As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you. Because he recognized that God had put certain people into his life—I’ll call it “his people.” And it was his responsibility to pray for his people. And he felt that calling so deeply, he says, “It would be a sin for me not to pray for you.” So here’s the question: who are your people? I know who mine are: first and foremost my wife, my kids, my parents, my close friends. I would add to that our staff at The Chapel, our elders, and then the different people God brings across my path. I truly believe it’s my calling to pray for all of those people, faithfully, specifically, by name. So who are your people?

Some time ago I realized that I wasn’t doing a great job praying for my people. I mean, I prayed for some of them, some of the time. But honestly, I hardly prayed for our elders and staff. I would hear about something big in someone’s life, and pray about it for a day or two, and then forget. I forget lots of stuff. And that verse from Samuel haunted me: I am called by God to pray for these people, and I’m dropping the ball. So you know what I did? I started learning how to use a prayer journal. Iit absolutely transformed my prayer life.

It’s so simple: in the back of my journal I have six lists of names: The Chapel staff; the Chapel elders; the guys in my men’s group; other pastors in the area that I fellowship with; the missionaries the Chapel supports; and then a list entitled “Luke 19:10,” which says The Son of Man came to seek and save the lost—so these are people that God has put in my life who don’t know Christ, and I’m praying for their salvation. Six lists. And every day, after I spend time listening to God through the Word, and meditating on the Word, I go for a 2-mile walk (weather permitting) and I pray first for my family, and then I pray for the next person on each of those lists—six people each day. It is so simple, and it works so well. I pray for people so much more now than I did before I used this method.

Sometimes when I’m praying for the people on my list, I think of something I want to encourage them with—so I’ll text them a verse. Or I’ll text them a question: hey—how did things go with that surgery, or that conversation, or whatever. So that prayer connection actually connects our lives in lots of ways. These are my people. I’m ashamed to admit that for many years, I didn’t pray for them faithfully. But just a little planning has changed that.

There’s a little-known passage in Colossians 4, where Paul says this: 12 Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. 13 I vouch for him that he is working hard for you and for those at Laodicea and Hierapolis. Did you hear those words? He’s wrestling in prayer for you. He’s working hard for you. Guys, prayer is hard work. It’s wrestling with spiritual forces. So…who are the people that God has put in your life, that you get the privilege of wrestling in prayer for? Do you realize that the most loving and most powerful thing you could do for those people is to pray for them? Whether it’s using a prayer journal, or a prayer app on your phone—whatever it takes, step up and pray for your people. You will be amazed at what happens.

There’s such a mystery to prayer. There’s not a mathematical formula that we can master to figure this all out. Because God’s ways are so much higher than our ways. But I will tell you this: when we pray, things happen. Lost things get found. Doors open, that were never open before. Spiritually hardened people become spiritually open. Hearts change…and sometimes the heart that needs to change is yours. So many things begin to move when we just ask God.

So…ask with boldness; ask with humility; ask with dependence on the Holy Spirit; ask with readiness to be part of the answer; and ask for others. If you’ve been holding back, stop holding back. Ask, and you will receive.